Today's adventure contains all the elements of a real adventure. I define "real" adventure as having two parts, one when you do something really stupid and two, when you get away with it and your life remains intact. So it is with today, we have a problema, travel to a distant place by Jeep and by foot, disillusionment, yelling at a banker, yelling at a local folk, running a red light, the ensuing chase by a motocop and being told I look like the Governor of Jalisco? And finally acquiring a super secret "token" or ingenious number generator that allows only me to get into my - and I stress MY - bank account? What more could you ask from a day in paradise?

So, the day dawned at about 7:32 right on cue, muy frio (very cold) at about 51 degrees (well, that's muy frio here?) with some clouds, days with clouds always start out wrong - as this one would prove to be. I did the usual, get the coffee, feed the gatos (cats) and head for the weather command center (my PC desk - and NO it's not politically correct) to check on the new weather station and see if it was getting a grip on the local conditions.

The "adventure" actually started yesterday when I tried to sign into my Bancomer online account and was told it was "locked" - that will send a tingle up your leg (as Chris Mathews says) but, I blew it off as a techno goof and we headed to Tonala to meet our friends visiting from NM. BTW, we had a great time in Tonala, then Tlaquepaque where they were staying. We visited a B&B a block from downtown that is absolutely fabulous. Wow, the things you find "behind the walls".

Today my account is still "locked" and now I'm annoyed (if not a tinge concerned). So, I printed out the screen which is of course is in Spanish and reads "CERRRADO", headed down to the Village to see my "personal banker" Beto. That's a nuisance because driving into the village is several miles and parking and walking 4 blocks, which I have to do every month when I deposit my check. Seems one time in the far distant past in a distant galaxy - well, here in MX and that's alien? a Canuck deposited a sizable check and it was credited in US Dollars which at the time was a biggie loss and it took forever and a divine act of the Virgin of the Bankers Unanimous to get it untangled and so now, when a gringo (I qualify) needs to deposit a check we have to stand/sit in line to see Beto who scratches something on it and then they know it US or Canuck funds?

Well today in my "mood" I drove into the village, parked, walked 4 blocks only to find myself #5 in line to see Beto. You could overhear the guy already in his cubicle relating a long history of zero interest to me and so I waited 10 minutes and stalked out to find someone else to browbeat (I was in that kind of mood). I decided to go see my other "Personal Banker" at an office (no actual banking services) on the Libramiento. By that time I had worked up a sizable head of steam and after listening to a lady already in her office describing something about having a needle stuck into her spine? - it was my turn.

Trying to be somewhat civil and diplomatic (well, at least for a start) I opened by saying "Phoebe (that's really her name) I'm in a hostile mood today so don't take this personal" - she said she wouldn't which was her first mistake, that gave me a license to unload on Bancomer via her ears. I said I didn't presume to tell them how to run their customer relations, but something had to be done and I related the locked acct and my futile trip into the village.

She said we now need a "token"??? to get into our account - like huh you say? Yes, seems there was an email in Dec? - well, that just stoked my fire, I said I never got an email. She said it would have been in Spanish and I said any email from Bancomer I take serious and translate if I need to. She then made her second mistake by saying some other people said they didn't get the email either and I jumped with both feet saying "well, didn't that run up a few red flags?" - she remained calm and explained they now have a new security system that is tighter than bark on a tree and no one (and at the moment, not even me) can get into an account because the "token" is actually a dinky, cheezy little 5 centavo calculator that you press to get a security number? - so, now I have to carry that with me when I travel just to get into my account? - as usual, someone in MX didn't think this one through. And besides, the problem isn't getting into my account, it's the ATM which are being ripped off??????????? - and this does nothing, nada, for the real problem, but someone's brother-in-law sold a boat load of cheezy calculators.

Undeterred, and still with significant venom flowing, I said "Phoebe, you know there are other banks" and she said "yes, and they'll charge your for deposits etc." - I cut her short and said "Phoebe, I'll bet as soon as you said that you realized it wasn't a good thing to say" - and she flinched a bit but kept a stiff spine (she's from Dallas so I can talk to her and she understands). I ended the dissertation by saying "I don't care about the cost if it works!" and stalked out.

That would bring me to the next "eventos" in my misspent day. As I went out the front door, I could see a car was parked so close to mine I couldn't squeeze between the two much less open the door and I was in no mood to be gracious and crawl over the console. The older MXN gentleman was just getting out and I said in a loud voice "THANKS". He looked as me and said something in semi-Inglish I didn't understand and I replied "THANKS FOR PARKING SO CLOSE I CAN'T EVEN OPEN MY DOOR"!

Now, I've made this stupid mistake a time or two before and so in the back on my mind major red flags and alarm bells are going off saying "DONT YELL AT THE LOCAL FOLK - IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA".  But, it was too late at that point, so, making sure I compounded the error I glanced down at the yellow lines for parking spaces which clearly showed I was actually on the far side of my space away from him and he was on MY yellow line, so for good visual followup, I kicked his right tire and pointed down at the line. Out of the corner of my eye I saw another car on the other side with a gringo who was taking it all in until I started yelling and quickly rolled up his window and pretended to have dropped his paperwork on the floor of his car and dived to retrieve it - and stayed there until I left? Fortunately the fellow moved, I remounted the Jeep and headed off to the next segment of the adventure.

This would take us to the next exciting thing we'll call  "the great chase" and impending clash with the law. Having vented significant levels of steam at my banker I careened (will actually drove) down and onto the Carretera (main road) and headed home, I'd had enough for the day, or so I thought. There are two stop lights in the village of San Antonio between me and safe haven and often one or more of the bulbs are burned out, generally the green one, so if there aren't any lights, we assume (at our risk) that it's the green and not the red. I glanced up at the light as I approached and it was dark as the inside of the loan sharks heart, but an instant later it turned red? - well, I was essentially at the intersection, so I rolled on through, no harm, no foul (well, for a MXN, not a gringo).

This is where fate intervened in a continued effort to screw up my day. If you look at the sequence of lights, there is a pause from green to red of a few milli-seconds and that was what I saw, that fractional time and then it went red. Well, within a couple of blocks I had more red lights by my left door and these were attached to a moto cops bike and yes, he did want me to stop so we could compare rice cooker recipes (I assumed).

Still being in an absolutely abhorrent mood I did some mental calculations, could I outrun him - probably not, was he armed - yes, does he have a radio? - yes, which brought into memory the last guys who were headed this way trying to outrun the cops and it ended in a gun fight in Chapala at the main street where you turn left, they went across the island, took out the traffic light and took out part of the front of a restaurant straight ahead and apparently one of them in the cab had pulled the pin of a grenade so with all the thrashing around he dropped it and it was the final mistake of 3 bad guys.

It's amazing how fast the mind can calculate things, so with all the calculations completed, including the fact I could never show my face or drive my recognizable Jeep at the lake again, I checked the bottom line and decided to pull over and give the guy a break. Ok, so I fudged a bit about "the great chase".

As I stopped, now really upset with myself, I dug in my pocket and pulled out my money clip with drivers license and was getting that out when he appeared at my door and was jabbering something in a foreign language which I eventually realized was probably Spanish. I hadn't looked at him yet, but when I did he was holding his ID badge for me to see, name, pic etc. and that goes a ways as lately we've had some problems, not so much here, but in Guad with rogue cops looking for mordida (bribes) and hiding their badges to prevent ID. I said just give me the boleto (ticket) and again he was jabbering and I wasn't listening. He wanted to see my paperwork, so I pulled out the big Aduana package and handed it to him, he thumbed down and bit and I think I again said "just give me the ticket" - and he asked something, and again I wasn't listening, but finally realized he was asking if I was having a bad day? - HA - a bad day, or a "mal dia" to which I answered si, muy feo (very ugly) he began to laugh and said "no ticket today" and then went on to ask if I knew who the Governor of Jalisco was and if I had seen his picture, I said si, he said I looked like him and we both laughed. So, a pleasant ending to what I was trying to make a bad encounter.

I thanked the cop and went home to think about going back down into the village to my bank and decided I was going to have to do it sooner or later and now might as well be the time, so I headed into the village. When I got there I was almost next in line to see my banker and presented him with my original problem and he said "oh, you need a token" - well, the duh was all over me!

Regress a moment: at present we have a credit card with a 10 X 10 grid on the back, each with a 3 digit number and when you go online you put in a debit card number and your normal password, you are then asked to enter (randomly) what is in grid H7 etc. and also what is at the bottom of the card (10 letters with corresponding numbers) and then you get into your account. Well, I can appreciate their attempt at security, but now the card is passe, void, out of here and now I have to have my little "token" calculator to give me security numbers to enter. I can't wait to try it, but of course it will take at least 24 hours which probably means Monday as this is Friday and this is MX?

I trundled back home, carefully, watching every stoplight and retreated behind my gate to contemplate my navel in the security and privacy of Casa Abuelo.

All in all this day qualifies as an adventure, I managed to do stupid things, hollering at people I did and didn't know, I ran a red light and got away with it and turns out I look like the Gov of Jalisco. This qualifies as a certified adventure, I did stupid things and survived to tell about it - now, come Lunes (Monday) we'll see if I still have money in the bank or not.