It's a "cat-tastrophe" of the first order, the head (and tail) count of 10 gatos suddenly increased 40% yesterday to 14? - up to that point there was Max, Shorty, Sweet, Sour, Gray, Mamasita, Midnight and Tic, Tac and Toe - suddenly there was also uno, dos, tres, cuatro? Now, other than a petting zoo or a cattery, that's waaaaay too many gatos! But, I'm getting ahead of the story.

It really started 2 years ago when I fed OW, the local neighborhood cat so Max might have a friend - it grew from there as all good intentions often do. I've documented recent activities in capturing and hauling cats to the vet for "pruning" and some of those fiasco's. The last one was the old Mamasita who had generously brought Midnight, Sucio, Sweet & Sour and looked to be PG again, but then she slimmed down and spent most of her time on the terraza with the other moochers, so I rashly assumed I was either mistaken regarding her condition or she had lost them - in either case, good news, NO MAS GATITOS.

But, just to be sure, I had done a fairly thorough search of the estate (so I thought) including across the street where she used to live and found no gatitos (kittens). So, we were bumping along with about 8 too many cats, but Chris passed the "sucker" stamp to me and I was doing the best I could and Margaret is raising the terrible trio in the casita. Margaret returned from Christmas in the frozen North and Sunday evening we were sitting out in our little grass patch soaking up sun as is our custom. Adjacent there is a brick dog house with enclosed area which, of course, we never use. The propane tank is there and the house is filled with old plastic nursery pots, 3 old (and I'm sure priceless) pictures, an Olivetti typewriter, a stack of bricks complete with ant colony, some empty flour sacks, a deflated pool floaty and a roll of screen.

Over the past 2 years some of the pots were often knocked out of place and I assumed it was a 'possum or raccoon in residence and didn't bother further - you know, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. So, when Margaret said she thought she heard something in there I said it was probably the 'possum I had caught in the live trap a few days earlier and released only a few feet away - and thought nothing more of it.

The next morning, Monday to be exact, I heard her calling my name, it's a thing we do, she stands out front and hollers until I open the window by the computer room to see what is causing the racket. I could tell by the serious tone in her voice something was wrong, she wanted me to follow her toward the casita. We turned right at the grassy area and approached the dog house area. She pointed and said "there's a kitten in there". I told her she probably saw a baby 'possum etc. - you know how much they look alike? - of course I didn't want to hear "another KITTEN". We stood for a few minutes and a nose peeked out and it sure wasn't a 'possum - I was gob struck! MORE GATITOS? - the obvious answer was in front of us, so what to do?

Well, being the dumb gringos we are, rather than just walking away and forgetting about it we had to get down there and dig into the dog house. Let me put that another way - "I" had do get down and start dragging out stuff, first uno gatito, then dos and I thought I saw more movement and there was a roll of chicken wire about 3" in diameter and maybe 2' long with a tail sticking out one end? - I picked it up and looked in the other end and there was a dinky little tiger face looking back. I held it for Margaret to see the "face" end and then showed her the whole thing and said "we either have a gatito that's about a foot long, or two more! So, I got the pliers and carefully cut the retaining wire and unrolled it to reveal tres and cuatro - oh boy, ho ho ho all over me, just what we need, a sudden 40% increase in the tail count.

So, we're standing there holding 4 month old kittens as cute as all kittens are wondering what to do next. Well, the obvious thing (I did mention we're dumb gringos didn't I?) was to clean out the dog house - which again meant "me" while Margaret took care of the cats, you think a Jewish Grandmother is something? - wait until you meet an Irish Grandmother? I sprayed the spiders including one that was so big you could hear him walking - you think I'm kidding? - well, a horse goes clip-pa-ti-clip-pa ti-clop, as you hear it's four hoofs hit the ground, the sound I was hearing was clip-pa-ti-clip-pa-ti-clip-pa-ti-clip-pa-ti-clop as all 8 legs hit the ground - so, back to the house for the bug spray, fog the area and begin mucking out the junk, then the dirt and cementos from a disintegrated bag.

Next the stack of bricks revealing a colony of small ants who immediately attacked - more spraying, more dragging out of stuff until finally the lime green plastic pool floaty was extracted and the final dust and dirt were removed. Now, I have to say, this is a darn nice dog house, all brick, cement floor, tile roof and a nice arched entry. By now, we had filled a trash bag, hauled the rare painting to the front gate for disposal and the gatitos had scattered into the plant beds while we were busy - ah, just great.

We rounded up 2 easily, one was lost in some kind of dense ground cover and eventually found when he meowed and the final one was in a narrow dead end passage along side the dog house, in the far back corner behind some sort of unwanted small tree and a thriving bougainvillea. I headed for the bodega to get the limb whackers and as I began to cut I noticed what for an instant, I thought, was some sort of orange sized "fruit" being attacked by a bunch of small wasps. Of course it wasn't a "fruit" - that was me, el dumbo, it was their nest and that sent me scurrying to the house for wasp spray to ruin their day.

After a few minutes I resumed cutting and as I stepped into the narrow area to get gatito número cuatro I stepped on a huge thorn from the bougainvillea stalk which penetrated the sole and into the ball of my right foot eliciting an audible response from me - but, I got the kitten and now all 4 were in the carrier.

We decided to use the VCR box which as served Midnight's kittens well and lined it with a towel, put the 4 little beggars in it, pushed it back into the newly renovated dog house and sat down for a much needed rest.

After a bit, Mamasita came about 30' away and was meowing to indicate her displeasure with our efforts. But we had spent a couple hours making this a super neat new place with no insectos, no junk etc. and we felt she would appreciate our work once she inspected it and saw how happy her babies were in there.

I put away all the tools and cans of spray etc. and went home to take a shower. Within an hour came another request for my presence, Mamasita had already taken one to a new location - the thankless hag had no sense of where-with-all and her meows were not complaining - but calling the kittens to come to her.

I decided on a risky plan and told Margaret to go home and I'd watch. Mamasita called a second one out and I stealthily stalked them from a distance, sneaking along like the hapless Inspector Clouseau watching through tall pampas grass, peeking from behind the car, peering around palm trees, ducking and sneaking along as she led #2 toward the far wall. I circled around, at times standing or crouching motionless for a minute at a time as she watched. At that point something interesting happened, Sweet, one of her last pair came to help, they worked as a team to guide #2 to safety.

Finally I circled around back of the house and approached the area behind the old well and peered through and sure enough there they both were, the two gatitos huddled together. I went around the well and fought my way back into the dense maze of over growth of giant elephant ears laced with thorn studded vines. Old dead remains of the vines are none the less dangerous, at one point I was impaled on 3 different ones trying to dig into me - but I escaped with only a single 3" gash on one arm. Of course by that time I got back in there they had moved.

Later attempts to locate them was futile and again the next day it was unproductive as Mamasita watched from a distance. Margaret's feeding of the other two was progressing, but ultimately we decided it would be better to return the two to Mama and let they grow up wild. It's not a good thing, but that's life.

So, we put the two out and Mama came for them, but about that time the gardener started the blower and I was afraid they'd scatter and be lost, so we put them back in the carrier for a couple of hours until he left. Again we put them out and of course with a single meow from Mama they ran to her like a magnet. We watched her take them around front and she jumped up a tree and of course the little ones were lost, they can't climb a tree yet, but on the roof the tree overhangs I saw the other two. She must have carried them up there, who knows, but as a final bit of intervention I got the ladder, took the two up to the roof and united la familia. From there they can go on the old Casa Nostra roof and down steps and out, or maybe they'll find a home over there.

Of course it was sad, but probably a lesson learned in trying to out guess a mother gato and what she wants for her kids. I told Margaret maybe it will be a good thing and with all this she won't bring them back to the compound like previous offspring - Margaret's comment was "fat chance" - yes, I know, fat chance.