As our current crop of mis-elected fools in DC are fond of saying "never waste a good crisis", not exactly what you want to hear from elected officials, but it can be applied at a local level to good effect, and coupled with the "Mexican experience" an adventure is sure to occur.

The day started with a new adventure of sorts, returning something to Home Depot. Having never tried this I boned up on my Spanish and found that "returno" commonly seen on highway signs signaling a Uturn or return is not the proper word for returning an object, so necesito "returno" este would draw a puzzled look. The right phrase is necesito "devolver" este when trying to convey you "need to return this".

I motored up to Home Depot and told the guy at the door what I needed and his question was "cambio?" - asking did I want to "change" the item, I replied si, so all was going well. At the return desk I repeated once again and then things went south because speaking the language, no matter how poorly, only gets you to the next part where they think you actually know more than 3 words in Spanish and say something in rapid fire Spanish like; "Porque regresan este tema y quieres una tienda de credito o en efectivo en su tarjeta de credito?" - leaving you with a stupid look on your face. Fortunately there is usually someone close that overhears your delimena and comes to your rescue. As near as I can figure the credit should show up on my bank statement any day now, so the first adventure of the day passed rather uneventfully, the next was not as simple, but a heck of a lot more exciting.

There I was cruising along in the fast lane of the Periferico, the beltway around Guadalajara on my way to this new UPscale center to browse around. The Periferico is at least 3 lanes wide and they're often working on the center area and they post a guy (the sacrificial goat) frantically waving a red flag to warn you things are going to get suddenly narrower and then some orange traffic cones force you to (close your eyes) and merge right - OH MY GOSH, MERGE RIGHT IMMEDIATELY! So, the vehicle two ahead was something sizable blocking our long distance view, but on the Periferico that's common and you just careen ahead with "blind" faith hoping they haven't done anything stupid ahead.

Enter stupid; there were orange cones out, but the flagman was apparently curled up in a fetal position praying to Sta. Agnus (the patron saint of highway flagman) and no where to be seen. Things began to happen rapidly, he first vehicle suddenly merged right to the center lane exposing the driver ahead, and me, to a sudden decision hit the cones, merge right and there were cars beside us, or stop? - she opted for the latter and jammed on the brakes, I did the same and stopped a few inches from her, she started up to go right and I started to follow, but traffic caused her to suddenly stop again - this time I didn't get stopped and bumped her and a second or two later a small truck hit be from behind - wow, what an adventure and I could just have gone to breakfast with friends, but no, I had to drive all the way to Guad to get in an accident.

Now, Gringos are inculcated with a fear of having an accident in MX by all sorts of horror stories - most probably true about going to jail, impounded vehicles, bribes etc. So, you're in the middle of the Periferico, between two cars, one you've hit, you're a gringo with no idea what to do next - alright, Now we're talking adventure! - actually now we're talking something closely resembling panic!

The driver of the car I bumped popped out of her car madder than a wet hen and I'm saying "sorry, sorry, my fault" and her brother was also telling her to calm down. Once we determined everyone was ok and it wasn't real serious we started exchanging information. This is where my luck took a turn for the better, turned out she spoke good English - besides being rather attractive, by this time I was beginning to notice. I asked if we should call the Policia, she emphatically said NO that wasn't a good idea, they just muck up the process and want money, so we called our insurance agents while still stopped in the middle of the freeway, hot, noisy with huge trucks rumbling by etc. and finally the flagman took up his duty and moved the cones back to divert traffic around us giving us a small measure of security.

Then a police truck arrived and I felt a knot in my stomach and I could tell by her face she was less than ecstatic as well. After at least 30 minutes the insurance guys showed up and the Policia blocked traffic to get us off to the side. By this time the charming and attractive (I was REALLY beginning to notice by then) young lady we'll call "Charlotte", mostly because that is her name, and I had exchanged life stories and I had been invited to spend Christmas with her family? - now granted, this wasn't exactly a "crisis" of huge proportion, but grande or poco, as they say in DC "DON'T WASTE IT".

More paperwork, the usual stuff of accidents and more discussions and she kept saying "it's not your fault" - now, as stated I hit her, how can it not be my fault, but apparently that's the way these things are handled here in MX, if no one is at fault, everything goes much smoother. There was still the fact the Policia had my license and down here that's always a challenge to get it back without having to "buy it back". But, it all ended comfortably, I got back my license with a friendly smile and handshake - the sort of "bro" shake they do down here which begins with a typical handshake and then locking thumbs? - I don't know why, but I know how, and that's all that seems to matter.

Without being crass or judgmental there do seem to be two noticeably different cultures here, one of the majority people, probably with Indian heritage mixed in that tend to be a bit more "robust" to use a word. Girls have babies very early and never regain their figures and frankly it's not a pretty sight because they all wear skin tight jeans and what doesn't fit in, hangs over. But when you go to Guad, especially in Zapopan, you see ladies with a more slender figure, I'm told they are more the Castilian Spanish higher class of people and the ladies are quite lovely, Charlotte would seem to come from this culture - yes, I DID notice, so sue me.

I was still determined not to waste the moment as we joked about it being much better to meet another way. I insisted she allow me to buy her lunch one day so we could have more time in an atmosphere more conducive to discussion than standing by a freeway, we exchanged Emails and I was at my car just getting ready to leave when she got out of her car and came over to me and said her brother was going to chef school and wanted to cook lunch for me sometime and wanted my phone - now, things were looking up, my crisis was bearing fruit, or "fruta" as they say down here.

I'm finding that being an abuelo (grandfather) also has it's advantages, as we were saying goodbye once more I shook hands with her brother and she and I exchanged hugs, now how often do you get to do that NOB?

Since loosing Chris people from time to time suggest that "I'll find someone new" and I used to tell them no, that's not going to happen, but you know how people are, so I started saying well, she will need to be three things; to be 40, very rich and very attractive. So, sizing up Charlotte, she certainly has the attractive part covered and the 40 works - well, sort of, she's not 40, she's probably 40 years younger than me (that counts right?) and not rich, so maybe a one and a half or two out of three?

As I was driving toward the new center (and Chihuahua, IS IT EVER UPscale) my insurance agent called to make sure everything was going ok and I laughed and said yes, and more than that the lady I bumped was muy bonita (very beautiful) and I had asked her to lunch, he laughed and said great, that's all part of the service, it's the "Mexican experience" - I said shoot, if I'd known that I'd have hit someone sooner, we both laughed.