You probably never did this, but I've always done my own taxes, and of course for many years with Turbo Tax on the PC. So, you start out and as you work your way down through the pages entering what you made there is a box at the top that tells how much you "owe" to the government - like they've not bled you enough already. Anyway as you add deductions the number drops. This is an improvement from the early programs which didn't tell you until the end and you hit the final button and this HUGE number with $$$ signs pops up on the screen and says HEY FOOL, YOU OWE YOUR LIFE SAVINGS PLUS YOUR FIRST BORN - PAY UP NOW !

Now, at that point several physiological things happen pretty much in unison, first your lips go numb in unison with your finger tips, it's like when you go to the dentist and he numbs your mouth and your lips go numb and you can't drink in public for hours, afraid you're dribbling down your front and you sit with your little finger hooked over the edge of the coffee cup and dipped testing it's temperature so as not to burn what's left of your mouth. Then the fingers, like you've received a sharp blow to the elbow that numbs the finger tips and leaves them all tingly. And finally (remember this all happens in about 3 milliseconds) the other two members of your body chime in to complete your day. The stomach feels like it just received a punch from Arnold (in his younger days) and your sphincter instantly puckers and grabs a wad of the fabric covering the chair on which you're sitting - oh, in addition your vision blurs and your mind completely clouds over able to see nothing but your remaining days in total servitude to the government.

Well, seems the fun(?) never ends. This year I turn 66 and qualify for my SSI retirement and so I went online this morning and started wading down through the "helpful, user friendly" - menus and pages and pages of stuff. Eventually I came across a calculator to estimate my benefits (for my 2009 budgeting) and hit the button. I entered the required information and clicked "Estimate" - and got a nice message saying "Sorry no can do, call us or request an estimate by snail mail".

Undeterred I hit another estimate calculator which required me to put in all my years of earnings? - they are kidding right? I mean, ALL? - which in my case goes back to 1958. So, it asked what I made last year and I said NADA and it asked when the last time I actually paid into SSI and how much, which fortunately I did remember, and put that in and hit "Estimate" - and the number that came back for my monthly benefit instantly caused the conditions described in paragraph two above - feel free to review !

After a lot of deep (see panicked) breathing followed by the old "breath into the paper bag because you're hyper ventilating" routine my eyes cleared somewhat and my mind unlocked and I began to remember an old letter from SSI which I might still have - yes (amazing it's not in TX in storage) I did find it from 2003 and it had all the needed numbers except for a few years at the end (of my indentured period I call a career) and after entering them and hitting "Estimate" again, miraculously my sphincter released the firm grip it had on the chair and I began breathing normally again - sort of.

So, guess I'll go down to the LCS and talk to the people from the Consulate anyway and get the paperwork started and see if they concur with the online calculator - that darn thing could cause a coronary blowout if not properly used !